Mrs. Nash

There was a woman named "Mrs. Nash," who was a laundress in the Seventh Cavalry in the late 1860s. She always wore a heavy veil and went through a succession of soldier-husbands. But she was a good woman; she married each one and never lived in sin. Only in the event of an untimely, tragic death would she find someone new with whom to cohabit. In a few instances, the marriage would end when the soldier was discharged, and Mrs. Nash's melancholy over the break-up was profound and would require intense spiritual comfort from the Cavalry's minister. Then in the summer of 1878, while married to a corporal at Fort Meade in the Dakota Territory, the corporal accompanied his unit on an extended campaign. While the corporal was gone, Mrs. Nash passed away. The garrison ladies went to lay out Mrs. Nash, and discovered a shocking truth: Mrs. Nash was a man.

(a covered corpse on a table---either actually present or mimed; ANNABELLA SUE is pacing around the corpse, wringing her hands or fanning herself; REV. HYRUM enters)

ANNABELLA SUE
Reverend Hyrum!
Thank you so much for coming!
I wasn't sure you'd take my note seriously!

REV. HYRUM
I didn't quite understand your note,
Miss Clark.
But I could tell by its tone that you were upset.

ANNABELLA SUE
Upset?!
Reverend,
the apocalypse is coming.

REV. HYRUM
That's what I didn't quite understand in your note.
Miss Clark, what makes you think--

ANNABELLA SUE
All right, maybe not the apocalypse,
but figuratively it is coming.
Something is happening.
I don't understand what's going on in the world anymore.

REV. HYRUM
Miss Clark,
you must slow down and tell me what's wrong.
Let's go back to the rectory
and have some tea
and you let the ladies finish preparing Mrs. Nash.

ANNABELLA SUE
Reverend, don't don't don't
say that name!
And don't let the ladies come back in here.
Ever!
Not after it's been cleansed.

REV. HYRUM
Cleansed?

ANNABELLA SUE
Something has to be done.

REV. HYRUM
I sent for Miss Chambers.

ANNABELLA SUE
What?!

HYRUM
She's coming to take you home.

ANNABELLA SUE
No, you must keep Kitty away from here.
Don't let her be tainted by being in the building!

HYRUM
I understand how distressing it can be to lay out a friend
for burial.
It's quite an ordeal.

ANNABELLA SUE
An ordeal?!
This has developed far beyond
what one would endure
as a typical corpse preparation ordeal!
Send notice that Kitty isn't to come here!
Do it or I'll, I'll,
I'll hold my breath!

HYRUM
No, don't do that!
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.

(HYRUM exits and reenters)

ANNABELLA SUE
I've been thinking it over,
waiting for you,
I've been trying to understand
what's happening
and I think it could be one of three things:
one: the apocalypse,
two: I'm stupid and uneducated and completely ignorant,
or...
or I'm going insane.
I'm voting for the apocalypse.

REV. HYRUM
Miss Clark,
you have to slow down and tell me what's going on.

ANNABELLA SUE
You won't believe me if I tell you.
You have to see for yourself.
It's Mrs. Nash.
Go on---look under the sheet.

(HYRUM looks under the sheet, then again, and again)

HYRUM
That's a penis.
I'm sorry, Annabella Sue,
I shouldn't have said--

ANNABELLA SUE
No, no, Reverend, we must face it
and by facing it we must say it:
Yes, Reverend Hyrum,
that is a penis.

HYRUM
A penis.
A real penis,
therefore you are not going insane.

ANNABELLA SUE
I appreciate that, Reverend.

HYRUM
Mrs. Nash has a penis.

ANNABELLA SUE
Mrs. Nash also has no bosom.

HYRUM
Mrs. Nash has a penis---
and a substantial one---
and has no bosom.
Miss Clark,---

ANNABELLA SUE
Reverend,
having witnessed this together,
you may call me
Annabella Sue.

HYRUM
Annabella Sue,
are you sure, that is Mrs. Nash?

ANNABELLA SUE
It's impossible to be anyone else.

HYRUM
Are you sure---
what if,
what if Mrs. Nash's husband--

ANNABELLA SUE
Broderick Nash.

HYRUM
What if Broderick Nash,
what if that is Broderick Nash.
And Mrs. Nash killed him.
And put him in her clothes to hide her crime
then escaped and is now on the run.
How does that sound?

ANNABELLA SUE
I thought of that, too!
But this body has no signs of violent death.

HYRUM
She could have poisoned him.

ANNABELLA SUE
I thought of that, too,
but Reverend,
the one flaw that is inescapable
is that switching the bodies would not hide anything.
We discovered it within hours of the death.
Besides, Broderick has already been telegraphed
and his commanding officer
replied that he's been released to return for the funeral.
No,
we have to face the fact:
Mrs. Nash has a penis.

HYRUM
And no bosom.

ANNABELLA SUE
And no bosom.

HYRUM
What are other possible explanations?

ANNABELLA SUE
The apocalypse.

HYRUM
As much as I wish to believe that is the case,
nothing in the Bible says
that those we believe are women
or have known as women
will be discovered as men.
Though that is a good sign of the apocalypse.

ANNABELLA SUE
Isn't it a good, frightening detail!
Why didn't God think of such a thing?!

HYRUM
Annabella Sue!

ANNABELLA SUE
Forgive me, Reverend,
I'm not myself, you know,
and I'm so breathless and lightheaded.

HYRUM
You really shouldn't be here right now---

ANNABELLA SUE
No, it's my responsibility to be here.
I was chosen to discover this.
No one else has to know.
It's my cross to bear.
And yours, too, but I assume that's why you became a Reverend,
to deal with things of this nature.

HYRUM
I assure you,
I received no instruction
about these things.
Except, possibly,
we must accept the possibility
that this is evidence of vice.

ANNABELLA SUE
Vice?!

HYRUM
That Mrs. Nash and Broderick,
that all these years they have been enjoying
a relationship based on
sodomy.

ANNABELLA SUE
Not, Mrs. Nash!
She was in our sewing circle!
She delivered babies and made candied sweet potatoes
for church dinners!

HYRUM
These things do happen in the world,
Annabella!

ANNABELLA SUE
Maybe it isn't vice at all!
My second possibility,
that we are simply ignorant.
That this,
as shocking and disturbing as it is,
this is a round earth.

HYRUM
Pardon?

ANNABELLA SUE
For hundreds of years,
people thought the Earth was flat,
that it was the center of the universe,
even the solar system.
But that's not true.
Maybe that is what Mrs. Nash it to us:
the realization
that not all women are really women.

HYRUM
No.

ANNABELLA SUE
That Broderick,
all this time,
that Broderick knew Mrs. Nash
was not a woman.
And they've lived as man and wife
all these years,
knowing full well,
and enjoying her
like a husband is allowed to enjoy his wife,
in the privacy of the boudoir.

HYRUM
That is not acceptable!
That is not possible!
Annabella,
you must go home immediately,
you are obviously not in your right mind.

ANNABELLA SUE
No, I'm lightheaded,
but I've been thinking about this very carefully.
Maybe our town,
the world even,
is a little queerer than we can imagine.
The possibility is actually quite frightening but also exciting!

HYRUM
Miss Clark,
you've lived you cannot possibly understand
the sin behind this.
You've lived for years with Miss Chambers,
and ladies such as yourselves
aren't educated in terms of sodomy.

ANNABELLA SUE
Reverend,
you didn't know Mrs. Nash as I did---

HYRUM
Obviously, no one really knew Mrs. Nash,
except for Roderick.
But everyone will.
The town must be informed.

ANNABELLA SUE
That's only going to create hysteria.

HYRUM
You think this is an isolated incident?
If there is one act of sodomy,
it breeds a second and a third,
exponentially until a town
becomes Sodom.
Of that,
I know for a fact.
(calling off)
Mrs. Jones?! Mrs. Hightower?!
Someone needs to take Miss Clark home
and call a physician.
She's undergone a terrible shock.


When Broderick returned for the funeral, he suffered such unmerciful scorn and ridicule from not only the townspeople but his own unit, that he committed suicide with his revolver.